Sunday, July 18, 2010

Skim or Whole Milk

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I thought this was going to be a post on hind milk and fore milk, but instead it is turning into my personal milking it pity party. I have nursed all of my children.  I amazed myself with the first one and with my husbands constant support, I nursed her for 6 months.  I had the same success with the next.  Well, #2 came along with such dissatisfaction that I could no longer take the heartbreak and aggravation of it all and we ended at 4 months.  It took 1 week to figure out that there was no way my body could have kept up with her appetite.  Still to this day, she out eats the first 2.

So sweet #4 is now 10 weeks old and I AM TIRED.  I mean completely exhausted.  My poor child is gassy since day 1. (I have tried changing our diet, but man, we eat a lot of onions, garlic, beans, and greens.)  SO I am really not eating good enough for her.  I feel like I am being tugged in several directions with the other children and emotionally I am not keeping up, because I am so wiped out with exhaustion.

So I chinned up and bought some formula today.  I will tell you, I feel like a quitter!  I am not a good quitter.  I have stuck through more things than I ever wanted to because I did not want to be a quitter.  I am having a bad mom moment.  But in my heart I know I need to do this for her and the rest of family and for myself too.  for me, because it takes a lot of energy to play fair and when I am wiped out, my snappy aggravated side comes out for everyone to play with, not very pretty.

What has me most heart broken is that I know that I am “just” supplementing to take some pressure of my body to produce.  But it is a slippery slope for me.  My supplementing usually only last me 2 weeks and then I am done nursing.  I am hoping to nurse from after dinner to morning and then supplement during the day.  If I can grab a nap, I will probably nurse her again.  I hope this plan helps me from completely stopping.  We will see!

 

I think this is in my make things easier category of life right now.

~trish

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