I thought this was going to be a post on hind milk and fore milk, but instead it is turning into my personal milking it pity party. I have nursed all of my children. I amazed myself with the first one and with my husbands constant support, I nursed her for 6 months. I had the same success with the next. Well, #2 came along with such dissatisfaction that I could no longer take the heartbreak and aggravation of it all and we ended at 4 months. It took 1 week to figure out that there was no way my body could have kept up with her appetite. Still to this day, she out eats the first 2.
So sweet #4 is now 10 weeks old and I AM TIRED. I mean completely exhausted. My poor child is gassy since day 1. (I have tried changing our diet, but man, we eat a lot of onions, garlic, beans, and greens.) SO I am really not eating good enough for her. I feel like I am being tugged in several directions with the other children and emotionally I am not keeping up, because I am so wiped out with exhaustion.
So I chinned up and bought some formula today. I will tell you, I feel like a quitter! I am not a good quitter. I have stuck through more things than I ever wanted to because I did not want to be a quitter. I am having a bad mom moment. But in my heart I know I need to do this for her and the rest of family and for myself too. for me, because it takes a lot of energy to play fair and when I am wiped out, my snappy aggravated side comes out for everyone to play with, not very pretty.
What has me most heart broken is that I know that I am “just” supplementing to take some pressure of my body to produce. But it is a slippery slope for me. My supplementing usually only last me 2 weeks and then I am done nursing. I am hoping to nurse from after dinner to morning and then supplement during the day. If I can grab a nap, I will probably nurse her again. I hope this plan helps me from completely stopping. We will see!
I think this is in my make things easier category of life right now.